At the Banks of Night
by lorwell
Summary: The tabby melts out of the shadows and into the quiet light of the moon. He seems half a shadow himself, his stripes hidden against the broken lines of fallen leaves. It is right that they meet like this, when she can remember him as a dream.


There's not much time a queen gets to herself, but her kits are older now, and besides– the night is dark and the moon is high. When she's sure Tawnykit and Bramblekit are well asleep, Goldenflower slips out of the nursery.

Her legs take her where she's going without a chance for her head to butt in. This isn't the kind of thing a grown cat does. This is harebrained– something she would have done without question as an apprentice, but she likes to think she's mellowed out a bit in the seasons since. But as the earthy smells of the forest temper with the acrid tang of Thunderpath, she's forced to accept that maybe she hasn't changed quite as much as she'd like to think. There's still that yearning in her that has always driven her paws. She needs to know, even if it's wrong.

The border is close now, and she catches another scent lurking under the dirt and fire of the forest's edge. Soft and full, like an autumn storm, and familiar to her as the ground beneath her feet.

Tigerstar must be able to scent her too, because he chooses that moment to appear.

The tabby melts out of the shadows and into the quiet light of the moon. He seems half a shadow himself, his stripes hidden against the broken lines of fallen leaves. It is right that they meet like this, when she can remember him as a dream.

"Goldenflower," he says. He makes no move towards her.

"Tiger–" she hesitates. "–star." She will make no move either. "I always knew your name would end that way, one day." She meets his eyes. "Although I didn't think it would be like this."

Tigerstar nods. "I understand what you've given up to meet me here tonight. Thank you."

"And what is that?" Goldenflower asks, narrowing her eyes.

"I know that the way I left was not– ideal. And that you come to meet me tonight at no insignificant risk to your reputation."

"Though I never cared as much about reputation as you," Goldenflower responds. She lays her tail over her paws and gives him her most even stare. She doesn't push on his designation of his banishment as 'less than ideal'– he knows better than any of them what he's done.

"I wanted–" Tigerstar starts. A monster whips by, eyes cutting a hole out of the dark and leaving the night somehow quieter in its absence. Tigerstar's hackles slowly fall. He's nervous out here. "–"a chance to talk to you."

"That's all?" Goldenflower asks. "You're not going to ask me to flee to ShadowClan with you, the way you did Darkstripe and Longtail? Even Dustpelt, you offered a chance– but not me."

Tigerstar dips his head. "I knew you wouldn't come."

"You were right."

The night drifts between them for a few long moments.

"I was hoping I could explain myself," Tigerstar says. "You will never agree with me, but I need you to know why I've done what I have. I know it was hard. I know it hurt." He looks away. "It hurt me too."

"I know why," Goldenflower says. Her eyes catch the moon, glinting hard. "I always knew that you were hungry. This is just another way to curb the growl in your stomach, the place where you put all your power."

Tigerstar takes a step forward. "I'm trying to make change," he growls. "We are becoming soft, weaker with every fat Greenleaf. Not you, not me– but I've seen the change coming for seasons," he says. "I fear for the forest. Goldenflower– it's not about power–"

"It's always been about power," she meows. She forces her voice calm.

"It has to be me," Tigerstar insists. "No one else has the vision. And I'm the only one who's willing to make the sacrifices that need to be made." He grows more sure of himself with every word. Tigerstar makes a towering figure against the setting silver disc of the crescent moon; she understands why Darkstripe wanted to follow him. He is a strong, dark river, a current that would sweep you away with him if your guard falls for even a second. She has sat at his banks and wished she could let herself fall a hundred times, but something always pulled her back. She is grateful for that, now.

Goldenflower turns her head towards home. "And what of ThunderClan? What of those you love?"

"You and the kits are the only ones that I love. The rest," he says. "Will make their choice. Strength is a choice. If they choose to be strong, they will survive the new forest. If they take the easy path–" his claws flex. "Change does not come without sacrifice."

"So long as it's somebody else that gives it up," Goldenflower states.

"You think I have not sacrificed for this?" Tigerclaw snaps. "I've given up my home– my kits– you– for my cause. It is a hard path, but ThunderClan lacks the strength to walk it. ShadowClan understands."

"I understand what it means to yearn for an impossible future," Goldenflower says. "I thought that–" she looks away, her tail twitching. "–if I was careful, and kind, and helped you grow, you would blossom into the warrior I knew you could be. Maybe I didn't do enough. You could have been a good warrior– you could've been strong, Tigerclaw."

"I am strong!" Another monster storms past, its roar one with Tigerstar's snarl.

"You are weaker than ever," Goldenflower says. She stands and stretches, her demeanor icy calm. "And soon you'll be alone. Then you'll see what ThunderClan's weakness is worth. When the Leafbare howls through your fur, we will keep each other warm."

"I'll still have you," Tigerstar insists. "And the kits– they'll want to know their father."

"That's their choice." She turns towards camp. "I will always think of you. And I will love– a little. I will love the tomorrow we talked about together, where you are Tigerstar of ThunderClan, fierce and fair. I'll love our kits, Bramblekit, with your pelt, and Tawnykit, with your heart. But I will not love you."

Tigerstar starts, but she cuts him off with a flick of her tail. "I know you are just a cat, Tigerstar. I've seen the look in your eyes when you first saw our kits. I've seen you grieve. But I also know that you are a murderer, a traitor, and a monster. And I know that I will still miss you."

She blinks slowly. "I'm tired of fighting," she says. "But I would rather set the forest afire and burn it to the ground than let you have it."

She strides into the forest, ignoring the ache in her heart. She will not look back.


End file.
